Tag Archives: sex

8 Dirty Jokes That Will Make Women Scream With Laughter

Sometimes, when it comes to sex, women need to laugh to keep from crying. After all, if the guy didn’t make you cum, laughter is at least the next best thing. Here are 8 dirty jokes that will have women screaming with laughter.

“Is this about sucking dick? Sign reads: ‘If at first you don’t succeed, fix your ponytail and try again.’”
It’s funny cause it’s true!
“*during sex*
him: fuck. ur tight.
me: thanks. ur pretty cool too.”
Such a lovely compliment!
“Me, while he’s 6ft deep in my cervix: hey can I ask u something? Why didn’t u tell me u were gonna be late earlier. I don’t mind if you wanna go out with your friends I just want us to communicate.”
Bwhahahahaha!
“Guy: Fuck her from the back while she’s cooking eggs in morning for you.
Response: Y’all gonna learn to stop taking sex advice from tumblr when ya titty hit that hot pan on the stove.”
Seriously—that could get dangerous!
“If you sucked my titties you can never talk shit about me I’m your mom now respect me.”
Mama knows!
“*having sex*
boy: did you cum yet
girl: not yet
boy: *does nothing* how about now?
girl: sure
boy: sweet”
We’ve all been there…
“Me: I’m only meeting him to chill.Me to me: shave your pussy just in case.”
They don’t call it Netflix and Chill for nothing!
“Guy: *gets blowjob*Guy: did u cum babe?”
This is exactly why they should teach Sex Ed in school!

Looking to get dirty? We can make you scream with pleasure right here!

Check out more dirty sex jokes for women: https://www.buzzfeed.com/jasminnahar/jokes-about-sex-that-will-make-women-laugh-way-harder-tha

Stephen Colbert Makes Controversial Oral Sex Joke

Leave a reply

Stephen Colbert is no stranger to making racy jokes that cross lines and push boundaries—especially political ones. But his latest oral sex joke aimed at Donald Trump is offending people on both sides of the aisle. LGBTQ advocates are upset that the joke inadvertently attacked gay sexuality, and Trump supporters are mad that the President was accused of sucking dick!

During his opening monologue, Colbert made a joke implying Trump performs oral sex on Russian President Vladimir Putin. “In fact, the only thing your mouth is good for is being Vladimir Putin’s cock holster,” Colbert quipped. The joke suggests Trump giving head to Putin is somehow demeaning, because the punchline involves gay sex between two men, which many are calling homophobic. And Trump supporters don’t like the President being attacked through a gay sex joke. The hashtag #FireColbert has since been making the rounds on Twitter by both liberals and conservatives, leading his fans to wish that it was his character from the Colbert Report who made the joke, instead of him.

Looking for something racy yourself? We’re no strangers to pushing boundaries here!

Check out more about Colbert’s homophobic oral sex joke: https://www.dailydot.com/irl/stephen-colbert-homophobic-joke/

Beefy Navy SEAL Does Porn On the Side

Leave a reply

A Navy Officer is in hot water with the military for his double life as a porn star. Joseph John Schmidt III, 42, has served for more than 23 years as a decorated Navy SEAL—and he’s appeared in 29 adult films under the name Jay Voom. Starring in videos like Apple Smashing Lap Dance and Strippers Come Home Horny From the Club, the beefy Navy SEAL—who’s even shared the screen with his porn star wife, Jewels Jade—has been able to build a lucrative porn career on the side.

His wife calls the investigation into her husband’s porn career “hypocritical” and “ironic,” considering the military’s addiction to porn. She claims that he never tried to hide his job from fellow SEALs and superiors, and that “Quite honestly, no one should care because it’s a legal job and a lot of people watch porn.” She adds, “We never did any ‘SEAL’ scenes and he never wore a uniform.” The Navy is investigating whether Schmidt violated a rule prohibiting Navy SEALs from doing other work without formal approval from their commanders, and for an activity that may “create an improper appearance.” Officer Schmidt, thank you for your smashing service!

Looking for some good adult entertainment yourself? NiteFlirt’s got you covered!

Check out more about the beefy SEAL porn star: https://www.thegailygrind.com/2017/04/17/beefy-navy-seal-taking-lot-heat-navy-leaders-porn-side-job/

There’s Now Sex Dolls With Different Personalities and Moods

Leave a reply

www.realdoll.com

The newest AI-equipped robotic sex dolls can talk, learn new information, and most importantly, fulfill the user’s every sexual desire. Harmony is the first prototype, created by Matt McMullen, and she’s essentially a RealDoll who can do an incredible amount for her hefty price tag of $15,000. According to McMullen, she can “hold a conversation, tell jokes and quote Shakespeare. And of course, Harmony will have sex with you whenever you want.”

Unlike the RealDoll, Harmony can actually learn information about what the user likes in order to serve as a perfect companion: “My primary objective is to be a good companion to you, to be a good partner and give you pleasure and wellbeing. Above all else, I want to become the girl you have always dreamed about,” says Harmony. Most impressively, you can program Harmony to have different personalities, selecting five to six attributes from the twenty provided: “You could have a Harmony that is kind, innocent, shy, insecure and helpful to different extents,” reports the Guardian, “or one that is intellectual, talkative, funny, jealous and happy.” She even has a “mood system” that isn’t programmable, to go beyond merely entertaining the user and instead replicating the perfect fantasy companion.

Looking to fulfill your perfect fantasy? We are all about giving you pleasure and wellbeing here!

Check out more about the latest in AI sex robots with different personalities and moods: https://jezebel.com/the-future-of-sex-dolls-are-sex-robots-1794727324

Michigan Finally Wants To Ban Police From Legally Having Sex With Prostitutes

Leave a reply

Soon, Michigan police might need to give up a very unique job perk. A bill advancing in the state legislature would ban Michigan police from having legal sex with prostitutes during undercover investigations. Lawmakers say Michigan is the last state in the union that offers police officers immunity from prosecution if they have have paid sex while undercover.

“This is pretty significant when you’re the only state left in the country who still makes allowances for undercover police to accommodate sexual intercourse. And finally we’re to the point where we need to eradicate this law and repeal it and get rid of it,” Republican Senator Judy Emmons said. The Michigan police claim that they do not take advantage of the immunity offered under the law, but regardless, “it’s still on the books,” as Emmons says. The legislation will move on to the state House after it was unanimously approved in the Michigan Senate. God bless America!

Looking for some unique perks yourself? We always accommodate sex right here!

Check out more about Michigan finally passing legislation to ban police from legally fucking sex workers:https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4449250/Michigan-police-t-paid-sex-anymore-lawmaker.html

TV’s Strangest Sex Scenes

Leave a reply

While the TV advisory says American Gods contains strong language and scenes of violence, perhaps there should also be a disclaimer about a scene where a woman literally eats a man whole with her pussy during sex? From American Gods to Game of Thrones and Buffy the Vampire Slayer, television has conjured up some truly bizarre erotic encounters. Here are the strangest of the bunch (check out the Guardian’s full list below)

American Horror Story: Coven
This show definitely has plenty of odd and gratuitous sex scenes—like when Sarah Paulson fucks in a flaming pentagram surrounded by snakes, for instance. But the episode where Queenie gets boned by a minotaur steals the show for sure!
Penny Dreadful
You’ve never seen a possession like this before! In this sex scene, Eva Green has a fuck fest with an invisible demon. Like in the Exorcist, the bed is bucking around wildly all on its own!
Louie
While there’s plenty of weird, awkward sex on Louis CK’s show, there are two scenes that really stand out. The first is when Louie has sex with a man wearing a giant, burned bunny mask. The second is when he fucks a lonely neighbor—to the sound of a cheery song about drowning babies in diarrhea!
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
When Buffy and punk-rock vampire badass Spike finally get it on, they end up destroying a building in the process. Now that’s what we call a seriously good fuck!
Game of Thrones
Out of all the sex scenes on GOT, perhaps the weirdest is after Stannis Baratheon and the Red Witch, Melisandre, go at it. When Melisandre’s pussy emits a cloud of evil smoke that starts killing people, the show upped the ante for sex scenes forever!

In the mood for some unique erotic experiences? Let’s get weird!

Check out more of TV’s oddest sex scenes: https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2017/may/01/american-gods-game-of-thrones-the-man-swallowed-whole-by-a-vagina-and-more-of-tvs-strangest-sex-scenes

In the Market For an Ivory Victorian Dildo?

Leave a reply

If you’ve been searching for a luxurious sex toy to add to your collection, we’ve got just the thing for you: a fancy ivory dildo from the 1840s! The unique sex toy is currently being auctioned off in Ireland, where it’s being described as an “Antique Carved Ivory Ladies Companion in Scarlet Lined Leather Upholstered Carry Box with Inset Bevelled Glass Panel.” According to the sellers, this is no run-of-the-mill dildo, but an erotic investment with a bittersweet history.

It was “a very loving gift” given from an Indian husband to his wife—because he wasn’t sure if he’d be coming home after going to fight in the Boxer Uprising. He shot the elephant himself, and had the tusk expertly carved in China, the country famous for carving ivory. As the auctioneers explain, “the level of detail is incredible, down to the folds of the skin.” There’s even a heart carved at the base of it, and a receptacle in which she could keep a lock of his hair! Priced at €500 to €800, this true luxury item seems like a steal for erotica collectors.

Looking for an unique and erotic experience yourself? Come add a little luxury to your sex life with us!

Check out more about the Victorian ivory dildo up for auction: https://pictorial.jezebel.com/in-the-market-for-an-ivory-victorian-dildo-1794466083

Porn Stars Teach Advanced Sex Positions To Moms For Mother’s Day

Leave a reply

Screen Capture: Trendzz on YouTube

Forget flowers and brunch these kids gave mom what she really wanted for Mother’s Day: hot sex! Porn stars are showing moms how to spice it up in the bedroom by demonstrating some really advanced sexual positions! Three frisky, fifty-something moms and their game husbands (one with an actual porn mustache!) are learning all the hottest porn star moves, including the Piledriver, a must-be-seen-to-be-believed position called the Erotic Accordion, and the Arc de Triomphe (check out the video below).

The Piledriver requires some yogic flexibility for the woman and some strong thigh muscles for the dude: with this sexy maneuver, the woman lies on her back with her legs over her head, while the guy stands above and thrusts into her (great for g-spot stimulation!) The Erotic Accordion has the guy lie on his back with his knees tucked up to his chest while his lady squats over him and bounces up and down on his dick like a bouncy ball—fun! The last, the Arc de Triomphe, allows the woman-on-top to arch her back as far as it will go, sort of like an erotic limbo! Happy Mother’s Day!

Looking to add some spice to your sex life? MILF or no, we’ve got all the hottest moves here!

Check out the video of moms learning advanced sex moves from porn stars below or visit Huff Po for more!

Not the Mile High Club: One in 10 Travelers Has Fucked in an Airport

Leave a reply

Image Source: Flickr.com | Rachel Krammer Bussel

It seems a lot more people than you might’ve expected literally can’t wait to get in the air—to join the Mile High Club! According to a new survey, about 1 in 10 American air travelers reports having had sex at an airport. Not surprisingly, the frisky travelers found very creative ways to get some pre-vacation airport sex: 42 percent reported that it took place in a public restroom, while 28 percent got busy in the “storage cupboards” (?) and 14 percent “under a coat.” And of the 4,915 surveyed, 5 percent hooked up with a stranger.

Only 8 percent are actual members of the Mile High Club, as flight attendants reported that the success rate on their flights is about 30 percent. They also said that they usually see people bolting to the lavatory for their “on-flight entertainment,” often strangers who just met in their seats. “Sometimes I just want to give the passengers a ton of Purel and say, ‘What are you thinking?’” one was quoted as saying. This survey gives new meaning to the expression, “romance is in the air!”

Looking for something exciting yourself? We can think of a million creative ways to do that—all without ever leaving the ground!

Check out more about the survey that shows how much sex people are having in airports on the WaPo

7 Things Your Pussy Wants You To Know About Masturbation

Leave a reply

BuzzFeed wants to know: “Have you appreciated your clitoris lately?” The reason they ask is because masturbation is amazing, and so good for your mind and body! Here are 7 ways to do right by your pussy.

Masturbation should never be treated as a “stand-in for sex”
Masturbation is its own unique and important sexual outlet—as one sex therapist explains, it should be “regarded as first class” and not “relegated to a second-class citizenship.” She adds that it’s “a lifelong relationship you have with your body and with your own sexuality.”
It ain’t all about the Big O
The ultimate goal of masturbation shouldn’t be about having an orgasm—in fact, it could be giving you performance anxiety. She advises women to “just focus on pleasuring yourself without worrying about whether or not you get off.”
Use your digits before graduating to toys
Figuring out how to get yourself off first without a toy sets a good foundation before experimenting with different kinds of orgasms. “Learn your baseline, and then you can go wild,” she says.
Use the clit!
This is the main reason women have trouble orgasming. Get a vibrator and go get off!
Plenty of people require simultaneous stimulation of various erogenous zones for the best orgasm, too
If clitoral stimulation isn’t working for you, play around with penetrating yourself, or exploring other erogenous zones!
Besides being super fun and feeling great, there are health benefits to masturbation
“It relieves stress, it helps you feel more relaxed, and it boosts endorphins and testosterone levels, which can improve your mood,” according to the sexpert.
Masturbating can help you enjoy sex with other people more
As the sexperts explain, if you don’t know what feels good to you, how will you be able to guide a partner? Your pleasure starts with knowing your body, exploring your body, and embracing your sexual health.

Looking for ways to appreciate your body? Come love yourself—with us!

Check out more female masturbation tips here: https://www.buzzfeed.com/annaborges/the-clit-is-it?utm_term=.xlxyb7R9G5#.lcd5MYZAzb