Category Archives: Oh myyy

11 Funny Tweets About Female Masturbation

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Image Source: Flickr.com | WillVisionThe comedians of Twitter did not “beat around the bush” with these hilarious tweets about female masturbation. Let’s just say you’ll be laughing until your batteries run out! Here are 11 funny tweets about rubbing one out.

  1. “is ‘beatboxing’ a good euphemism for female masturbation? asking for a friend. she’s a world class beatboxer.” Perfect euphemism…for your friend.
  2. “Did Catholic school ruin my chances at a healthy relationship with my vibrator.” We’ll pray for you.
  3. “Why is it called masturbation and not beating around your bush?” The important questions in life.
  4. “M: *drunk* This vibrator isn’t working.
    H: *from another room* HAS ANYONE SEEN THE REMOTE?”     Whoops!
  5. “I’ll take the batteries out of the TV remote to use in my vibrator. IDGAF.” Get ‘er done!
  6. “Anything’s a dildo if you’re  brave enough.” What you call brave, we call resourceful!
  7. “I bought batteries for my toothbrush but put them in my vibrator instead because priorities.” #lifegoals
  8. “Shower sex.
    Only it’s me and my vibrator getting it on.”     Nothing wrong with a little me-time!
  9. “‘Let’s call them robots in disguise!’
    ‘We’ve already decided they’re personal massagers.’
    -Carl gets outvoted at the vibrator ad meeting.”     Robot personal massagers?
  10. “Remember when a selfie stick was just called a dildo?” The good ol’ days.
  11. “Ugh – NEVER going to a Ryan Gosling movie in a theater again. Apparently masturbating in the back row is still considered ‘inappropriate'” But not uncommon for a Ryan Gosling movie, let’s be honest.

In the mood for some quality entertainment? Come check out our beatboxing skills on NiteFlirt!

Here’s more funny tweets about female masturbation: https://www.buzzfeed.com/crystalro/hilarious-tweets-about-masturbating-by-women-for-women

8 Low-Key Sex Toys That Even The TSA Won’t Catch

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Let’s face it, if you’re traveling over the holidays, the TSA is probably going to find out about your sex toy preferences. So to avoid awkward run-ins with strangers, we’ve compiled the sneakiest little sex toys to stash away in your luggage. You’ll save space and only you will know their true purpose.sexydice

  1. Tenga Iroha Stick Vibrator
    This vibrator looks just like a lipstick, so it’ll blend in seamlessly with the rest of the items in your makeup bag.
  2. Little Rooster S
    The Little Rooster is actually an alarm-activated vibrator. As Refinery29 says, “Sleep with it tucked into your underwear and wake up happy.”
  3. LELO MIA 2
    Sleek and about the size of a lipstick, this USB chargeable vibrator is basically your perfect travel companion.
  4. Adam and Eve I Rub My Duckie
    This little duckie wins first place for the most discreet sex toy. Just don’t let this little guy get mixed up with the children’s toys this holiday!
  5. Ooh By Je Joue No. 3 Cock Ring Electric Blue
    What’s not to love about a cock ring that could pass for a keychain?
  6. Dame Products Eva
    The Eva vibrator is so small and cute no one will ever know it’s a wearable clit vibrator. It’s perfect for going hands-free during penetrative sex.
  7. Crave Vesper
    You can wear this vibrator around your neck as a fashionable pendant. Bonus points for optional engraving if you want to make it a gift.
  8. Fun Factory Flexi Felix
    These anal beads are super low-key—if anyone asks, just say it’s a pool toy.

Looking for something discreet? Let’s get sneaky on NiteFlirt!

Check out more low-key sex toys: https://www.refinery29.com/2016/07/115976/discreet-sex-toys#slide-9

This Is How Popular Squirting Is In Your State

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imagesDo you like to watch squirting videos? If so, you’re not alone—Pornhub just released data showing that squirting porn has become increasingly popular on the website in the last few years, and has remained one of the site’s most popular searches. While it’s continuously in the Top 20 categories of videos, it is the most popular among women.

In case you’re wondering how popular it is state-by-state, Pornhub also released data which shows that squirting porn is particularly popular in the states of Wyoming, Montana, Utah, and Nebraska. On the other hand, people in California, New Jersey, Maryland, and New York are the least interested. Considering the depressing reality of how few women actually reach orgasm in porn—18.3% of women, compared to 78.0% of men—squirting porn and its popularity is definitely something to cheer about.

Got a hankering for something in particular? We’ve got just what you’re looking for right here on NiteFlirt!

Check out more about how popular squirting is in your state: https://www.refinery29.com/2017/11/180636/squirting-porn-searches

NYC Condo Owners Have a Priceless View—of People Fucking

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trumppeefaceWealthy condo owners in New York City are truly getting a million dollar view. Along with seeing the glorious skyline from their window, they also get to see the writhing bodies of strangers getting it on in the nearby park. Residents of 5th on the Park, a luxury high-rise building in Harlem overlooking Marcus Garvey park, reported that they’re treated to scenic vistas of “flagrant fornicators” who “mount a rocky hill — and then one another.”

According to the residents, they see various types of fucking in the park at all hours of the day. A resident of the building told the Post he saw “one girl with three guys,” and that it “shocked the hell” out of him. A different resident said that when she looks out the window and gazes over at the park, she sees “a lot of blowjobs, guys having sex, guys masturbating, I really saw the whole gamut.” Sorry to say it, rich condo owners in NYC—but maybe you should close your blinds?

Looking for some flagrant fun? We can shock the hell out of you right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about NYC condo owners complaining about people fucking the park: https://jezebel.com/fancy-schmancy-condo-owners-have-a-priceless-view-of-1819516797

Bad Sex Award 2017 Shortlist

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cup-1010916_1920It’s that time again—the Bad Sex in Fiction Award! This is the prize that goes to the most cringe-worthy sex writing in literature. From avalanches to a frosty encounter on the beach, get ready for the Bad Sex 2017 shortlist.

1. The Destroyers by Christopher Bollen
“On the stone porch, in the hot, mountain air, we grapple with our clothing, which, in the darkness, becomes as complicated as mountaineering gear. Her black shirt around her neck, mine unbuttoned, our shorts and underwear slid to our ankles, we seem to be moving at avalanche speed and also, unfortunately, with avalanche precision.” Yes, sex is exactly like…an avalanche?

2. Mother of Darkness by Venetia Welby
“Light filters in from the ravaging streaks of the dawn. It splits into fragments of every hue the world has hidden as it strikes the prism of their shelter. Tera’s eyes expand and reflect, crystal orbs of time and space. She moans in colours as he pushes the white dress away and beyond the angelic flesh, luminescent against the damp, mossy bed.” Wow—other-worlderly. In a bad way.

3. The Future Won’t Be Long by Jarett Kobek
“We made love and we had sex and we had sex and we made love. But reader, again, I implore. Mistake me not. I am not your Pollyanna, I am not your sweet princess. We fucked, we fucked, we fucked, we fucked, we fucked, we fucked.” Just. Wow.

4. War Cry by Wilbur Smith (with David Churchill)
“‘I’m going to have you now,’ Leon said. He led her back up the beach to where the sand was dry. Then he took off his coat, placed it on the ground and she lay down upon it. ‘Christ!’ he muttered, placing himself on top of her. ‘It’s bloody cold. I might get frostbite on my cock.’” She gave a low purring laugh. ‘Silly man. Why don’t you put it somewhere hot?’” Definitely not hot.

Looking for a naughty tryst? We can make you moan in colors right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more of the Bad Sex Award shortlist: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/nov/23/bad-sex-award-2017-shortlist-the-contenders-in-quotes

6 Kinky-As-Fuck Sex Stories

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_sex9What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done? If you’re looking to reach even kinkier heights, these very kinky sex stories are sure to inspire you. Here are 6 real life, kinky-as-fuck things people have actually done during sex.

  1. “I flew to New York City to visit a friend, and he threw me a full-blown orgy. There were nine people, and at one point I was chained to a bed and blindfolded and had to guess which of the other eight people was going down on me.”
    Now that’s a good surprise party!
  2. “I once had sex with a father and son at the same time. The son was my age (30), and the father was in his 50s. It wasn’t something I had sought out or fantasized about, but when it happened it wound up being incredibly erotic!”
    A true family affair!
  3. “While my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stuck a water bottle in my vagina and his dick up my ass. Then he tried fisting me in both orifices.”
    Kinky. As. Fuck!
  4. “When my boyfriend was out of town, and we were both horny as fuck, we decided that I should go to the bathhouse alone and have another patron use my phone to FaceTime my boyfriend while he went to Pound Town on my butt with a big dildo. Then I got into a sling while several men took turns fucking me and others sucked and jerked me off, all while my boyfriend watched.”
    Good times at the bathhouse!
  5. “Two Thai ladyboy’s were undressed with their cocks out. I had one in my hand and the other in my mouth. It soon evolved from there, and the highlights included my being spit-roasted by them (so good!), multiple 69-ing, and pretty much every hole being filled multiple times.”
    Hot!
  6. “I went to a bathhouse and got in the sex swing. A guy came up and started rimming me, and then a crowd started to form. He then started to fuck me. As soon as he was done, another guy was ready for a turn. All in all, 10 guys took their turn on me in a short time. It was absolutely amazing.”
    Another amazing bathhouse experience!

Looking to get kinky-as-fuck? We can always take your sex life to new heights here on NiteFlirt!

Check out more kinky sex stories: https://www.buzzfeed.com/spenceralthouse/just-some-kinky-stuff

Mile High Club Members Reveal Tips For Airplane Sex

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2900305586_530cf11668_oAdventurous travelers shared their secrets on Reddit for how to join the Mile High Club. While getting frisky on an airplane seems pretty tricky, these people prove that it can be done with some ingenuity. One man explained that he tells the cabin crew he has a “serious medical condition” and will need his wife to, ahem, assist him in the lavatory.

The man added: “By giving that explanation beforehand, my wife and I have had unhurried and uninterrupted sex in an airplane four times in a row now.” Another guy claimed the best way to fuck in the bathroom is by sitting on the baby changing table that folds down over the toilet: “She put her feet against the wall and fun ensued,” he said. “The height of the fold down table was perfect.” Even though these stories might give hope for a surprisingly common fantasy, a seasoned flight attendant had this advice: “I just want to let everyone know that the lavs in the back of the plane aren’t very soundproof. The people in those seats can hear just about everything.”

Looking for adventure? Hold on to your seats—you’re in for a wild ride at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Redditors’ tips for how to join the Mile High Club: https://nypost.com/2017/11/13/mile-high-club-members-reveal-the-best-techniques-for-airplane-romps/

7 Foods You Should Add To Your Sex Life

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http---distractify-media-prod.cdn.bingo-2001059-980xWhether or not you’re into kinky food stuff—sploshing or W.A.M. (wet and messy) play—adding food into your sex life is always a great idea. After all, both are delightful and sex is supposed to be messy! Here are some helpful ways to bring food into the bedroom.

  1. Sushi
    Try out Nyotaimori, the art of eating sushi off a naked body, at home. Take turns arranging your favorite rolls on each other’s naked bodies—and then eat them off!
  2. Cherries
    Run them over your partner’s body to get things started. Then drizzle the juice over their naughty bits and lick it off!
  3. Popsicles
    There are few things better than a blowjob that incorporates a popsicle. First suck and lick the popsicle to get your partner excited, then use your cold mouth on their cock.
  4. Grapes
    These are great during foreplay. Have your partner run frozen grapes over your nipples and then suck off the cold reside—the hot and cold sensation is amazing!
  5. Whipped cream
    Whipped cream bikini, anyone? Yum yum.
  6. Grapefruit
    Thank you, Auntie Angel, for introducing the world to the “grapefruit blowjob technique.” Cut a grapefruit in half, use it instead of your hand during a blowjob, and let the sweet juices run all down your chin!
  7. Chocolate syrup
    “Using chocolate syrup during sex is next-level whipped cream because it’s a little messier and much drippier, requiring more tongue action to lick it off your partner after you’ve drizzled it over their erogenous zones,” says Refinery29. Delicious!

Want to get wet and messy? We’ve got just what you’re craving here over at NiteFlirt!

Check out more of the best foods to bring into the bedroom: https://www.refinery29.com/hot-sex-with-food-tips#slide-9

There’s Now a Justice League Porn Parody

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Image Source: NewNowNext

While the newly-released Justice League movie has been disappointing audiences, its porn parody has been getting rave reviews, with many saying it’s actually better than the original. Justice League: A Gay XXX Parody is the new adult film on men.com, a four-part series that picks up where its predecessor, Batman V Superman: A Gay XXX Parody, left off. The x-rated film features all your favorite superheroes, including the Green Lantern, who comes out as the “the first gay superhero” in the XXX version.

Fans of the adult film are especially happy about Manila Luzon, a RuPaul’s Drag Race alum, playing the part of Wonder Woman. They’re also happy not only with its casting but also its writing. As Refinery29 says, “XXX isn’t your typical low-budget porn ripoff. It’s still got some of the expected cheesiness, but also some decent CGI and action.” If there was a Rotten Tomatoes for porn, this parody would get 100%.

Looking for some action yourself? Come find out about NiteFlirt’s sexy superhero powers!

Check out more about Justice League: A Gay XXX Parody: https://www.refinery29.com/2017/11/182831/justice-league-porn-xxx-video

7 Stories About Encounters With Really Big Dicks

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Image Source: Flickr.com | MattysFlicks

Image Source: Flickr.com | MattysFlicks

BuzzFeed asked their readers to share their most memorable encounters with big dicks. And man, did they deliver. Here are the best big dick stories they shared.

  1. “My high school boyfriend and I retired early to my tent where we commenced a hot and heavy petting session. After, he whipped out a very long, rock solid and extremely girthy penis. We spent the next ten minutes simply working on getting the tip in. It was exhausting and it definitely made me appreciate the wonders of lube.”
    Ah, lube—the miracle product!
  2. “We exchanged numbers and ended up developing a long distance relationship, and he sent me a dick pic that pretty much made me choke on my coffee. I was sure he’d break me in half. Unfortunately we broke things off before I was set to fly to see him for a weekend. That was the dick that got away.”
    There’s always that one dick you never forget!
  3. “When I pulled his boxers down his dick hit my forehead and I fucking almost choked on the thought of that thing in my throat. I don’t think I got more than an inch of that sucker in my mouth.”
    You win some, you lose some…
  4. “Ex-boyfriend was around 11 inches. He was a giant penis, so I guess it stood to reason he had one too.”
    The big dick with the big dick.
  5. “In college, I hadn’t seen many penises before, but I could barely get my mouth around it. When he tried to put it in only the tip fit. I found out later that he had been doing adult movies on the side to make some extra cash.”
    Of course!
  6. “I met a dude while I was working at a shoe store. He was embarrassed about his large shoe size, to which I said saucily, ‘well you know what they say about big feet’ with a wink. Fast forward. We start dating, and, man, did I find out how appropriate that joke was.”
    There’s some truth to every good joke, right?

Looking for a memorable sexual encounter? We can make you gasp in amazement right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more big dick stories: https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/just-17-stories-about-encounters-with-really-big-penises