Girlfriends Describe Their Boyfriends’ Dicks to Police Sketch Artist in Hilarious Video

Image Source: Flickr.com | Quacktaculous

If you had to describe your boyfriend’s dick to a police sketch artist, how well do you think you’d do? Several girlfriends were put to the test when they tried to describe their partner’s member to a stranger in as much helpful detail as possible while their guys listened on. And as you can probably imagine, the results are pretty hilarious (watch the video below).

First thing’s first: circumcised or uncircumcised (most of the girlfriends knew the answer)? Next, describe the penis shape: “it’s shaped like a penis”; “it’s shaped like a can of beans.” How veiny is the cock? What does it look like hard? (one woman described her man’s as an elephant trunk; another said “a full GMO banana”). They had to give accurate girth, distinguishing characteristics such as moles, and even the color (“it changes color,” laughed one woman). And of course, the lady’s didn’t ignore the balls: they had to describe the color, shape (“you know that net that catches basketballs?”), whether they’re very wrinkly, and even the amount of sag. In the end, the lady’s were very satisfied with the police sketch artist’s likenesses—while some of the men were a bit more critical: “It’s definitely bigger than that!”

Looking to give your “mushroom with a little smile” some attention? We love full GMO bananas here!

Here is the hilarious video of girlfriends describing their boyfriends’ cocks to a police sketch artist.

New Sex Toy Turns Your Phone Into a Vibrator

 

 

A new sex toy that turns your phone into a vibrator is promising to make sexting a literal reality. The IZIVIBE is being described as “the world’s first sex toy which uses the vibrations of your smartphone!” So far, the company just has a prototype, but with all the buzz and excitement surrounding the device, they plan to launch a campaign to bring the high-tech sex toy to the masses.

The IZIVIBE website says, “Simple but effective, IZIVIBE’s internal dildo structure is designed to propagate the phone’s vibrations along the entire length to get a maximum of pleasure.” The phallic-shaped phone extension has several functions, including seven vibe modes, customization options, and the ability to allow a partner to control the settings remotely (literal phone sex, anyone?). The device is also made from safe, medical-grade silicone, and will have a protective sleeve so that any dirtiness from your phone won’t get transferred onto your sensitive areas. The company hopes to have the sex toy out in markets by June 2016, and so far, they have not confirmed a price.

Looking to get into some buzz-worthy action yourself? We’ve got all the right vibrations right here!

Here’s more about the sex toy that turns your phone into a vibrator.

Japanese Museum Displays Centuries-Old Controversial Erotic Art

A shunga print. Photograph: Geoffrey Clements/CorbisDespite Japan’s eclectic and hugely popular porn industry, many of its citizens are still prudes when it comes to the country’s rich history with erotic art, or shunga. 133 centuries-old original shunga prints, which mix graphic depictions of sex with visual humor, were rejected by 10 museums before finally finding a home at a little gallery. The woodblock prints are definitely shocking: they are of couples, and groups, in the midst of sexual ecstasy, though they’re often depicted in humorous and satirical ways. Voyeurism and orgies are recurring themes in the art, with women and men in various contorted sexual positions, their kimonos loosened or discarded.

Created in the 17th century and eventually banned for being “obscene,” the works depict all manner of sexual escapades taking place in brothels, teahouses, inns, and even Buddhist temples. But most shocking is not the images themselves (the most famous one called “the Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife,” which depicts a woman being pleasured by two octopuses), but that so many Japanese who love porn and manga wouldn’t want to see what’s being billed as “the original shunga.” Thankfully, not everyone is so prudish: over 9,000 people have gone to see the erotic works. The museum director said, “I hope they will feel a sense of discovery and re-connection with something important that has been missing from the way the cultural history of Japan has been presented until now.”

In the mood for sexual ecstasy? We are always up for wild and shocking escapades!

Check out more about Japan’s centuries-old erotic art here.

12 Foods That Totally Don’t Look Like Anything Else

Creative Commons Photo Credit Attribution Carrot - AlicePopkorn www.flickr.com/photos/47283811@N06/15641871466/in/pool-th... Photo Credit Attribution Background - Viktor Simonic URL: www.flickr.com/photos/viktorsimonic/8660455830/

Even though you might feel a bit immature snickering at a peach that looks like an ass or a squash that looks like a giant dick, we’ve all done it. And while you probably think you have a dirty mind for giggling at a banana that looks just like a boner, we’re here to assure you that your laughter is warranted. And Distractify does, too—they made a hilarious list of foods that don’t remotely look like anything else (check it out below). Here are some highlights.

  • That Banana Sundae is Sure Happy to See You
    Some prankster stood the banana erect and made balls out of two scoops of vanilla ice cream. This makes us crave dessert!
  • Hot Dogs and Bun
    “Nothing to see here. Just some hot dogs being inserted into a bun.”
  • T-Bone Pussy Steak
    Mmm, nothing better than steak and pussy!
  • Double-Breasted Ice Cream Cone
    Titty-fucking, anyone?
  • Chicken Wing Cock
    The chicken wing takes after its father (who must have been very well endowed). Finger lickin’ good!
  • Grapefruit Vagina
    Auntie Angel (of the famous grapefruit blowjob) would approve.
  • Jelly Filled Vajonuts
    Oops, we meant donuts! So creamy…
  • Masculine Carrot
    The lady carrots love him!
  • Two Scoops of Ice Cream with Two Cherries on Top, Please
    Those are some perky scoops there! Makes us want to lick the cherries right off.
  • Pink Glazed Donut
    Sugary butt sex.
  • Cock Melons
    No, seriously. These look exactly like cocks! It’s uncanny.
  • Cock Sausage
    Mmm, spicy!

Have a hankering for something sweet or savory? We have everything you crave right here!

Check out Distractify’s list “18 Foods That Don’t Remotely Look Like Anything Else.”

Coffin Company Promotes Its Product with Topless Calendar

Photo Source: LindnerA Polish casket company has a somewhat unconventional approach to selling its product—instead of tasteful images of coffins, it features sexy topless women promising your loved one a very good time in the afterlife! The company’s business plan: to feature top-of-the-line caskets with top-of-the-line tits and ass. While it’s controversial to sex up death, this company is pure class when it comes to its caskets with scantily clad ladies draped over them.

This year’s theme is retro, so the sexy girls wrapped in furs and lace can really help the recently deceased go out in style. “We enjoy showing our beautiful coffins, and what better way than including beautiful girls?” company owner Zbigniew Lindner said in a statement. The naked calendar also suggests that your dearly departed will get a whole lot more than just a beautiful casket to rest in peace in! Poland’s Catholic church is justifiably outraged, saying that “human death should not be mixed with sex,” but we wonder whether your frisky Uncle Bob wouldn’t want these ladies to get him even more “stiff” than he already is!

Want to get frisky yourself? We can promise you a very good time right here on Earth!

Check out more about a Polish casket company’s topless calendar.

Men Confess How They Really Feel About Their Dicks

I love the size of my penis

Dicks are great, but let’s be real: the way men feel about theirs varies as much as the dicks themselves. Some men want a bigger dick, some (young) men wish they could have more control over their boners, and yes, some men even wish theirs was smaller. Whatever you’re packing down there, these confessions from real men will prove that dicks are so much more than just a body part.

  1. The reason I’m still a virgin is because I’m scared my penis is too small.”
    This makes us so sad. What this poor virgin should know is that his fear is totally in his head—cause whatever he’s got in his pants is probably just fine!
  2. Yep. My penis is small. Your point being?”
    That’s more like it! Penis size—like age—is just a state of mind!
  3. Having a big penis really isn’t that good. Wearing jeans hurts like hell to wear!”
    Ouch! Bigger isn’t always better!
  4. Because I’m insecure I tell girls I have a really small dick so when we have sex they see my average dick and tell me it’s big. Pretty childish but it helps.”
    You know what’s a huge turn on before you have sex?: feeling comfortable in your own skin.
  5. People keep asking what’s up this morning…my penis. My penis is up.”
    Morning wood is nature’s alarm clock! Better get to work (and we don’t mean your 9 to 5!).
  6. I’ve shown more people my penis on Whisper than times I’ve left my house this week.”
    Hopefully it’s been a slow week….
  7. My penis is AVERAGE! I thought I was WAY below average…NOPE! I am 5.3 inches. Which so happens to be EXACTLY AVERAGE!
    This confession proves that you probably think your dick is smaller than it actually is.
  8. When I get bored I act like I’m driving a car and my cock is the shifter.”
    Talk about pleasure riding!
  9. Confession: I would suck my own cock if I could.”
    Confession: yes, you would, and you’ve probably already tried it…many, many times!

In the mood for a little pleasure ride yourself? When it comes to your shifter, we love all shapes and sizes!

Here’s more men confessing how they really feel about their dicks.

What Grindr Profiles Actually Mean

grindrBuzzfeed’s latest video explores the wonderful and sometimes baffling world of Grindr, the gay hook-up app. If you ever drove yourself crazy trying to decode some hot dude’s ambiguous profile, today’s your lucky day. This humorous (and amazingly accurate) video will answer all of your questions (watch video below).

  1. Sorry If I Don’t Respond
    Translation: “Unless you’re really sexy, honey, then by all means, hello hello.
  2. NPNC 
    Translation: “No pics, no chat. I’m only gonna talk to you if you’re hot.”
  3. Looking
    Translation: “Horny. That’s it.”
  4. Bored
    Translation: “I’m horny, too.”
  5. Headless Torso
    Translation: “I’m not even out yet, but this is a way for me to check out guys.”
  6. NSA
    Translation: “No strings attached. I enjoy being single.”
  7. Masc for Masc
    Translation: “I’m not fem. Seriously, I’m not. What do I have to do to prove to you that I’m not feminine?!”
  8. No Fatties, No Hispanics, No Blacks
    Translation: “I think I’m just being up front about what I want, but I’m just being racist and shallow.”
  9. No Drama
    Translation: “No fems, it might rub off on me. I’m being subtly misogynist.”

Are you “looking” for some “NSA” fun? Bring your headless torso our way, honey!

Check out Buzzfeed’s video here.

The History Behind Cosmo’s Infamous Donut Blowjob

Pink_frosted_sprinkled_donutCosmopolitan is famous for its weird, creative, and totally unrealistic sex tips. The magazine has prompted its readers to incorporate such items as a string of pearls, an electric toothbrush, a scrunchie, refrigerated marbles, tomato sauce, and a mango slice into their bedrooms. But their outrageous cover that featured a glazed donut to be used during a blowjob literally took the cake. In tip No. 30, an anonymous boyfriend said, “My girlfriend gets a glazed donut and sticks my penis through the hole. She nibbles around it, stopping to suck me every once in a while. The sugar beads from her mouth tingle on my tip.”

The tip has since come to be known as the most infamous Cosmo sex tip ever written, with authors such as Tom Wolfe, Maureen Dowd, and performance artist Anna Pulley all mocking or satirizing the ridiculous line in their work. But even more outrageous than the tip itself was the way the magazine embraced the donut blowjob’s cult status, reprinting the sex tip several times (including in three books) and even adding a new piece about a study suggesting that the smell of donuts “increases penile blood flow” in men. For all of the magazine’s ludicrous sex tips, you have to hand it to Cosmo for whole-heartedly embracing a spirit of endless sexual experimentation—naysayers and prudes be damned!

In the mood for a little dessert? We are always up for something sweet—and sinful!

Check out the history of Cosmo’s donut blowjob.

Study Finds Most Straight Women are Turned on By Naked Men and Women

best_phone_sex_niteflirt_sexhoursA new study is further evidence that sexual identifications like straight, gay, and bi are complex and muddy terms. The study found that most straight women are aroused by images of both naked men and women. “Eighty-two percent of the female participants—and 74 percent of the women who identify as straight—exhibited arousal to both sexes,” Slate reported. So is this proof that women cannot be straight?

Well, not exactly. In scientific terms, an attraction to both genders does technically mean that you’d be considered bi-sexual. But this definition only takes into account one’s sexual identification, not one’s romantic identification. In other words, bi-sexual people are not only attracted to both sexes, but they’d want to date both sexes. While straight women might become aroused by seeing naked images of both sexes (which is largely a physiological response because of the way women’s brains are wired), they don’t necessarily want to act on their feelings of sexual desire. Mainly, this study shows how slippery and confusing sexual orientation can be—and how sexually versatile women are!

Feel like having an arousing experience yourself? Whatever turns you on works for us; we are definitely sexually versatile here!

Check out more about the study that found straight women are aroused by naked men and women here.

50 Cent Says Bullet Lodged in Tongue is Great for Oral Sex

Image Source: Flickr.com/photos/alexconst/

50 Cent is a celebrated rapper, survivor of growing up in the ghetto, and, apparently, great at giving head! Most people know the story of 50 Cent getting shot nine times at close-range, but what they may not know is that one of those bullets is still lodged in his tongue. And, even stranger, that it is great for oral sex!

The rapper appeared on the Graham Norton Show recently and told the audience and the other guests on stage about the bullet in his tongue—and how “it’s great for oral sex.” He also quipped that it’s made him “a better man now.” One feisty English actress wanted to check out his special enhancement for herself, so 50 pulled the woman close and let her feel the bullet in his tongue. 50 Cent, you naughty, naughty rapper, you!

In the mood for a little sexual enhancement? Come get naughty with us!

Check out more about 50 Cent’s amazing oral-sex-giving bullet-tongue.