Bad Sex Award 2017 Shortlist

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cup-1010916_1920It’s that time again—the Bad Sex in Fiction Award! This is the prize that goes to the most cringe-worthy sex writing in literature. From avalanches to a frosty encounter on the beach, get ready for the Bad Sex 2017 shortlist.

1. The Destroyers by Christopher Bollen
“On the stone porch, in the hot, mountain air, we grapple with our clothing, which, in the darkness, becomes as complicated as mountaineering gear. Her black shirt around her neck, mine unbuttoned, our shorts and underwear slid to our ankles, we seem to be moving at avalanche speed and also, unfortunately, with avalanche precision.” Yes, sex is exactly like…an avalanche?

2. Mother of Darkness by Venetia Welby
“Light filters in from the ravaging streaks of the dawn. It splits into fragments of every hue the world has hidden as it strikes the prism of their shelter. Tera’s eyes expand and reflect, crystal orbs of time and space. She moans in colours as he pushes the white dress away and beyond the angelic flesh, luminescent against the damp, mossy bed.” Wow—other-worlderly. In a bad way.

3. The Future Won’t Be Long by Jarett Kobek
“We made love and we had sex and we had sex and we made love. But reader, again, I implore. Mistake me not. I am not your Pollyanna, I am not your sweet princess. We fucked, we fucked, we fucked, we fucked, we fucked, we fucked.” Just. Wow.

4. War Cry by Wilbur Smith (with David Churchill)
“‘I’m going to have you now,’ Leon said. He led her back up the beach to where the sand was dry. Then he took off his coat, placed it on the ground and she lay down upon it. ‘Christ!’ he muttered, placing himself on top of her. ‘It’s bloody cold. I might get frostbite on my cock.’” She gave a low purring laugh. ‘Silly man. Why don’t you put it somewhere hot?’” Definitely not hot.

Looking for a naughty tryst? We can make you moan in colors right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more of the Bad Sex Award shortlist: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/nov/23/bad-sex-award-2017-shortlist-the-contenders-in-quotes

The Erotic Carp Calendar Is Back And Better Than Ever

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_katystressrelief
If you’re looking for the perfect holiday gift for the All-American Man in your life, we’ve got just the thing for you. The Carponizer Erotic Carp Fishing Calendar is the “cult fishing calendar” that combines two of every man’s favorite things: fish and naked women. Yes, this calendar lets you ogle big, beautiful fish and big-breasted women.

The Carponizer Erotic Carp Fishing Calendar 2018 can be purchased on Amazon and, just like last year’s calendar, does not disappoint with providing both nude women and impressive fish. There’s also a BBQ version for red meat lovers, BBQ-Chicks Grillkalender 2018. You guessed it, this one features nude women cooking up some super hot BBQ. Fish or beef, all your erotic calendar dreams are coming true!

Looking for some super hot experiences? NiteFlirt has all of your favorite things right here!

Check out more about the Erotic Carp Fishing Calendar 2018: https://jezebel.com/i-am-yet-again-not-in-this-years-erotic-carp-calendar-1820764876

6 Kinky-As-Fuck Sex Stories

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_sex9What’s the kinkiest thing you’ve ever done? If you’re looking to reach even kinkier heights, these very kinky sex stories are sure to inspire you. Here are 6 real life, kinky-as-fuck things people have actually done during sex.

  1. “I flew to New York City to visit a friend, and he threw me a full-blown orgy. There were nine people, and at one point I was chained to a bed and blindfolded and had to guess which of the other eight people was going down on me.”
    Now that’s a good surprise party!
  2. “I once had sex with a father and son at the same time. The son was my age (30), and the father was in his 50s. It wasn’t something I had sought out or fantasized about, but when it happened it wound up being incredibly erotic!”
    A true family affair!
  3. “While my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stuck a water bottle in my vagina and his dick up my ass. Then he tried fisting me in both orifices.”
    Kinky. As. Fuck!
  4. “When my boyfriend was out of town, and we were both horny as fuck, we decided that I should go to the bathhouse alone and have another patron use my phone to FaceTime my boyfriend while he went to Pound Town on my butt with a big dildo. Then I got into a sling while several men took turns fucking me and others sucked and jerked me off, all while my boyfriend watched.”
    Good times at the bathhouse!
  5. “Two Thai ladyboy’s were undressed with their cocks out. I had one in my hand and the other in my mouth. It soon evolved from there, and the highlights included my being spit-roasted by them (so good!), multiple 69-ing, and pretty much every hole being filled multiple times.”
    Hot!
  6. “I went to a bathhouse and got in the sex swing. A guy came up and started rimming me, and then a crowd started to form. He then started to fuck me. As soon as he was done, another guy was ready for a turn. All in all, 10 guys took their turn on me in a short time. It was absolutely amazing.”
    Another amazing bathhouse experience!

Looking to get kinky-as-fuck? We can always take your sex life to new heights here on NiteFlirt!

Check out more kinky sex stories: https://www.buzzfeed.com/spenceralthouse/just-some-kinky-stuff

There’s Now An App To Help Women Cum

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5942090561_8656911f4b_zOMGYes is now offering women sexual pleasure education and information on their iPhones with a new app. It has a simulated pussy for users to master the 12 clitoral stimulation techniques, which have been scientifically proven to lead to heightened stimulation and orgasm. “OMGYes offers videos, images and the phone app which allows users to observe, practice and master the stimulation techniques alone or with a partner,” reports NY Post.

For many women, OMGYes is a helpful tool that lets them navigate the complex science of sexual pleasure. The program was developed through extensive research and surveys of women, and from that data acclaimed scientists distilled methods for achieving orgasm and sexual pleasure. “It comes down to fingers and tongues on the clitoris, whether during penetration or not,” said a women who uses the app. “Women are the absolute Jedis when it comes to ways of touching the clitoris. So, best for partners to learn from and replicate those ways.”

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Check out more about OMGYes the app: https://nypost.com/2017/11/13/having-trouble-climaxing-theres-an-app-for-that/

Painter Turns Pussies Into Works Of Art

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4305595470_3f705f390f_zJaqueline Secor’s surreal paintings of the female anatomy prove every pussy is a work of art. Secor’s The Diversity of Nature presents a “palette of labias majora and minora as diverse as the rich colors she uses to paint them,” according to Vice. Models from around the world posed for the paintings, presenting a colorful multitude of pussies in all their various shapes and sizes.

Secor’s work depicts the pussy as a beautiful flower—sometimes literally—and in doing so makes a powerful statement about the beauty of the female form. For the artist, painting pussies became an “artistic campaign for personal empowerment.” The artist says of her body-positive work, “This series honors each body in all of its individuality.”

Want to celebrate sexual empowerment? We’re all about body-positivity here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about The Diversity of Nature: https://www.vice.com/en_us/article/7xxe9x/nsfw-this-feminist-ex-mormon-is-bringing-floral-vagina-paintings-to-utah

Mile High Club Members Reveal Tips For Airplane Sex

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2900305586_530cf11668_oAdventurous travelers shared their secrets on Reddit for how to join the Mile High Club. While getting frisky on an airplane seems pretty tricky, these people prove that it can be done with some ingenuity. One man explained that he tells the cabin crew he has a “serious medical condition” and will need his wife to, ahem, assist him in the lavatory.

The man added: “By giving that explanation beforehand, my wife and I have had unhurried and uninterrupted sex in an airplane four times in a row now.” Another guy claimed the best way to fuck in the bathroom is by sitting on the baby changing table that folds down over the toilet: “She put her feet against the wall and fun ensued,” he said. “The height of the fold down table was perfect.” Even though these stories might give hope for a surprisingly common fantasy, a seasoned flight attendant had this advice: “I just want to let everyone know that the lavs in the back of the plane aren’t very soundproof. The people in those seats can hear just about everything.”

Looking for adventure? Hold on to your seats—you’re in for a wild ride at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Redditors’ tips for how to join the Mile High Club: https://nypost.com/2017/11/13/mile-high-club-members-reveal-the-best-techniques-for-airplane-romps/

7 Foods You Should Add To Your Sex Life

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http---distractify-media-prod.cdn.bingo-2001059-980xWhether or not you’re into kinky food stuff—sploshing or W.A.M. (wet and messy) play—adding food into your sex life is always a great idea. After all, both are delightful and sex is supposed to be messy! Here are some helpful ways to bring food into the bedroom.

  1. Sushi
    Try out Nyotaimori, the art of eating sushi off a naked body, at home. Take turns arranging your favorite rolls on each other’s naked bodies—and then eat them off!
  2. Cherries
    Run them over your partner’s body to get things started. Then drizzle the juice over their naughty bits and lick it off!
  3. Popsicles
    There are few things better than a blowjob that incorporates a popsicle. First suck and lick the popsicle to get your partner excited, then use your cold mouth on their cock.
  4. Grapes
    These are great during foreplay. Have your partner run frozen grapes over your nipples and then suck off the cold reside—the hot and cold sensation is amazing!
  5. Whipped cream
    Whipped cream bikini, anyone? Yum yum.
  6. Grapefruit
    Thank you, Auntie Angel, for introducing the world to the “grapefruit blowjob technique.” Cut a grapefruit in half, use it instead of your hand during a blowjob, and let the sweet juices run all down your chin!
  7. Chocolate syrup
    “Using chocolate syrup during sex is next-level whipped cream because it’s a little messier and much drippier, requiring more tongue action to lick it off your partner after you’ve drizzled it over their erogenous zones,” says Refinery29. Delicious!

Want to get wet and messy? We’ve got just what you’re craving here over at NiteFlirt!

Check out more of the best foods to bring into the bedroom: https://www.refinery29.com/hot-sex-with-food-tips#slide-9

There’s Now a Justice League Porn Parody

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Image Source: NewNowNext

While the newly-released Justice League movie has been disappointing audiences, its porn parody has been getting rave reviews, with many saying it’s actually better than the original. Justice League: A Gay XXX Parody is the new adult film on men.com, a four-part series that picks up where its predecessor, Batman V Superman: A Gay XXX Parody, left off. The x-rated film features all your favorite superheroes, including the Green Lantern, who comes out as the “the first gay superhero” in the XXX version.

Fans of the adult film are especially happy about Manila Luzon, a RuPaul’s Drag Race alum, playing the part of Wonder Woman. They’re also happy not only with its casting but also its writing. As Refinery29 says, “XXX isn’t your typical low-budget porn ripoff. It’s still got some of the expected cheesiness, but also some decent CGI and action.” If there was a Rotten Tomatoes for porn, this parody would get 100%.

Looking for some action yourself? Come find out about NiteFlirt’s sexy superhero powers!

Check out more about Justice League: A Gay XXX Parody: https://www.refinery29.com/2017/11/182831/justice-league-porn-xxx-video

Women and Men Talk About Their Sex Lives For Four Hours Every Month

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18501126518_249aa0ec57_zWhat happens in the bedroom doesn’t usually stay in the bedroom, according to a new study. As it turns out, 76 percent of Americans talk about their sex lives with another person at least once a month. In fact, the average person spends around four hours per month sharing intimate details about their sexual encounters with friends.

The survey of 2,000 adults in long-term relationships found that the most frequently discussed topics were related to how good the sex was, how long it lasted, the setting of the encounter, and, not surprisingly, dick size. It also found that 37 percent of respondents are honest about the sex, while around 30 percent exaggerate their stories, either to cause jealousy or because they’re actually bored with their sex lives. Respondents said they dished on the sex mainly as a way to catch up with friends—literally about the most intimate details of their lives.

Want to get intimate? Come find out what happens in NiteFlirt’s bedroom!

Check out more about the study that shows most Americans talk about their sex lives: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5093811/People-spend-FOUR-HOURS-month-discussing-sex-lives.html

7 Stories About Encounters With Really Big Dicks

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Image Source: Flickr.com | MattysFlicks

Image Source: Flickr.com | MattysFlicks

BuzzFeed asked their readers to share their most memorable encounters with big dicks. And man, did they deliver. Here are the best big dick stories they shared.

  1. “My high school boyfriend and I retired early to my tent where we commenced a hot and heavy petting session. After, he whipped out a very long, rock solid and extremely girthy penis. We spent the next ten minutes simply working on getting the tip in. It was exhausting and it definitely made me appreciate the wonders of lube.”
    Ah, lube—the miracle product!
  2. “We exchanged numbers and ended up developing a long distance relationship, and he sent me a dick pic that pretty much made me choke on my coffee. I was sure he’d break me in half. Unfortunately we broke things off before I was set to fly to see him for a weekend. That was the dick that got away.”
    There’s always that one dick you never forget!
  3. “When I pulled his boxers down his dick hit my forehead and I fucking almost choked on the thought of that thing in my throat. I don’t think I got more than an inch of that sucker in my mouth.”
    You win some, you lose some…
  4. “Ex-boyfriend was around 11 inches. He was a giant penis, so I guess it stood to reason he had one too.”
    The big dick with the big dick.
  5. “In college, I hadn’t seen many penises before, but I could barely get my mouth around it. When he tried to put it in only the tip fit. I found out later that he had been doing adult movies on the side to make some extra cash.”
    Of course!
  6. “I met a dude while I was working at a shoe store. He was embarrassed about his large shoe size, to which I said saucily, ‘well you know what they say about big feet’ with a wink. Fast forward. We start dating, and, man, did I find out how appropriate that joke was.”
    There’s some truth to every good joke, right?

Looking for a memorable sexual encounter? We can make you gasp in amazement right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more big dick stories: https://www.buzzfeed.com/juliegerstein/just-17-stories-about-encounters-with-really-big-penises