Kinkster Who’s Sexually Attracted To Objects Is In A Relationship With Balloons

A man, who says he is sexually attracted to inanimate objects, has revealed that he is currently in a committed relationship with a bunch of balloons. The kinkster says his floating lovers communicate with him through telepathy and dreams, and they share “each and every thought, feeling and emotion.” He identifies as “objectum sexual”—meaning that he is sexually attracted to inanimate objects—revealing that his balloons share his bed and that they have a “physical” relationship.

“Every morning, I wake up by saying ‘good morning’ and giving a kiss to my balloons that sleep beside me, and vice versa,” he said, adding “I make out with my balloons.” The fetishist claims that he doesn’t go anywhere without his lovers. “[The balloons] should have the freedom and the chance to see the world, and that is the reason why I walk with them everywhere.”

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About Madge

Fluent in innuendo. Certified in orgasms. Madge writes like she talks: directly, confidently, and with a wink you can practically hear. With years in the field and a professional's eye for what actually works (and what's just noise), she covers everything from the art of a great tease to the mechanics of phone sex done right. She's dominant by nature and educational by trade, which means she'll tell you exactly what to do and exactly why it works. Equal parts wicked and wise, Madge leaves the fluffing to someone else. She delivers results. What she writes about: Flirt of the Week features (she's got an eye for talent) Take Care of Yourself Tuesdays (self-care, her way, non-negotiable) The real mechanics of great phone sex Confidence, control, and knowing exactly what you're doing What your Zodiac sign says about your bedroom style (yes, even Scorpios get fact-checked.) Fun facts: Alphabetizes her bookshelf by author, then by how much she'd trust that author in bed. Takes her coffee the way she takes control: no sugar, no hesitation. Has cleared a pool table before her opponent got a single shot, and made it look like she was barely trying. Can bend over backwards. Won’t. The neighborhood cat still avoids eye contact (she knows why.)

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