Category Archives: Oh myyy

9 Hilarious Sex Jokes

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http---distractify-media-prod.cdn.bingo-2034374-980xPeople on the internet are hilarious—especially when it comes to cracking sex jokes. Take, for example, this apt comparison between sex and laundry detergent: 4 pumps = 1 load. Here are other hilarious sex jokes, courtesy of the internet!

  1. “Cake is better than sex because I can remember the last time I had cake.”
    Let them eat cake—off your naked body! Or better yet, splosh with it!
  2. “Sex is a lot like Mario Kart: you go really fast, you throw some bananas, Wario is there.”
    Describes it perfectly!
  3. “Sex is like pizza, if you’re going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you’re doing.”
    It’s funny ’cause it’s true!
  4. “I got birth control so I can stop being my boyfriend’s Toaster Strudel and start being his Twinkie.”
    Mmm, delicious!
  5. “*in the middle of sex
    “Go deeper”
    Okay
    *pulls out*
    *sits in a chair and sips coffee*
    *opens poetry book*
    Two roads diverged in a wood and I-”
    There’s deeper and then there’s deeper.
  6. “Boy do I love sex. Really love putting my penis into some *looks at smudged writing on hand* verguba.”
    Practice makes perfect!
  7. “Me: Netflix & chill?
    Her: sure
    [later that night]
    Her: so you don’t have Netflix?
    Me [pulling out 20 condoms]: I don’t have chill either”
    The truth will set you free—and get you laid!
  8. “*has sex with you*
    *declines your FB friend request*”
    Keeping it casual!
  9. “when two country music stars have sex they morph into a ford f-150.”
    Exciting!

Looking for some quality entertainment yourself? There’s only one thing better than a good laugh—check out NiteFlirt to get the punchline!

Here’s more of the best sex jokes on the internet: https://www.buzzfeed.com/kevinsmith/about-8-inches-makes-june-5th-wettest-in-history

The Most Cringe-Worthy Sex Scenes In Movie History

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hanleiaMovies are like real life—especially when it comes to depicting awkward sex. Sometimes you fall off the bed, make weird noises, move in unexpected ways, so why not depict those cringe-worthy moments on screen? Here are the most squirm-inducing sex scenes, ever.

  1. The Rock
    “Nicolas Cage is supposed to be expressing pleasure, but really just looks like he’s studying a very interesting plaque at a museum?” says Refinery29. Maybe he should’ve tried method acting to get into the scene more?
  2. The Counselor
    Javier Bardem narrates the moment Cameron Diaz has sex…with his car. This is definitely one of the strangest sex scenes ever!
  3. Zach and Miri Make a Porno
    After Zach (Seth Rogan) and Miri (Elizabeth Banks) get the bright idea to make a porno, the awkward scene ensues: stilted foreplay and Zach’s awkward dance of surprise when Miri starts to unbuckle his pants.
  4. Gigli
    Gigli is considered one of the worst movies ever, and if the sex scene is any indication, we can see why. It features Jennifer Lopez using the phrase “turkey time” to refer to sex with Ben Affleck, but it doesn’t stop there: when Affleck’s character is confused, she clarifies by saying, “Gobble, gobble” suggestively.
  5. Avatar
    “With this symbolic union of tree and tentacle, James Cameron tries to invent a new version of intergalactic sex,” says Refinery29. Unfortunately, it’s ambitious, but definitely not sexy.
  6. The 40 Year Old Virgin
    This is one the most intentionally cringe-worthy scenes, ever! Poor inexperienced Andy with sex-crazed Elizabeth Banks.
  7. American Pie
    What do you get when a horny teenage boy decides to fuck a pie? Movie history.

Looking for a memorable experience yourself? NiteFlirt’s got warm apple pie beat!

Check out more of the most awkward sex scenes: https://www.refinery29.com/2017/05/152250/worst-movie-sex-scenes#slide-14

‘Sex Witch’ Casts Spells To Enhance Orgasms

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pumpkinA former stripper has traded in exotic dancing for erotic spell-casting. Shaney Marie now makes a living coaching people on pagan eroticism, which uses spells to boost orgasms. As a pagan priestess, she practices the art of erotic witchcraft, and teaches ‘magic sexuality’ all across the world.

“Sex witchery involves using ancient pagan ways of being to unlock greater pleasure pathways,” explains Shaney. Her clients are taught rituals like praying at love-altars, erotic dance workshops and using crystals and sex toys to heighten sexual climaxes. She also casts spells, known as sex magic, to help people reach new heights, spiritually and sexually.

Looking for some sex magic? We can help you reach new erotic heights right here on NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the sex witch: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4849744/Ex-stripper-professional-sex-witch-teaches-orgasm-spells.html

6 Genius Sex Moves To Try On Your Man This Fall

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holdinghandsLooking for some clever and sexy ways to make your man fall all over himself, literally? Look no further than BuzzFeed’s handy list (inspired by Cosmopolitan’s infamous sex guides), which will definitely get you excited for fall. Here’s 6 genius sex moves to try this fall (Note: do not actually try these).

  1. The “Sweater Weather”
    What’s sexier than a cozy sweater…with nothing on underneath?! He’ll be begging to touch you.
  2. The “Extra Spicy Pumpkin Latte”
    “Warm your mouth with some pumpkin flavored coffee before going south *wink wink.* To add even more spice, let a little dribble out of the corners of your mouth first, the visual of dripping liquid is VERY sexy.” Naughty and nice!
  3. The “Boot Knocker”
    “Blindfold your man and then gently slide his dick in and out of your favorite boots. The rough and soft textures will be crazy hot and sexual.” Auntie Angel’s “Grapefruit Blowjob” has nothing on this!
  4. The “Sweet Potato Smash”
    “Smash up some sweet potatoes and leave them on the kitchen table with a note that reads ‘Enjoy!’ He’ll know what to do with them.” American Pie… er, sweet potatoes…?
  5. The “Halloween Surprise”
    Put on your fav Halloween mask and surprise your man with a morning blowjob—it’ll scare the pants off him!
  6. The “Leaf Pile”
    Rake up some leaves from your yard and pile them on his bed. Hide in it naked and then jump out and yell, “I’M FALLING FOR YOU!”

Looking for something very sexy this fall? Come on over to NiteFlirt and let’s get extra spicy!

Check out more sex moves to try on your man this fall: https://www.buzzfeed.com/lorynbrantz/9-genius-sex-moves-to-try-on-your-man-this-fall

Jada Pinkett Reveals She Uses The ‘Grapefruit’ Oral Sex Technique

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4116249488_e44da870f4_zWho can forget Auntie Angel’s infamous tutorial on giving a blowjob with the “Grapefruit Technique“? Auntie Angel and her sticky sweet oral sex trick both became internet famous—but now Jada Pinkett Smith is claiming her husband Will Smith taught it to her ten years ago. “It has been around for a minute,” Jada said about the technique.

“And Will was the first one to tell me about it years ago…ten years ago,” she said with a laugh. Jada Pinkett had audiences buckling over in laughter when she performed the technique in her movie Girls Trip. She revealed the juicy secret when asked about “that” grapefruit scene in the film. Well, it seems Auntie Angel’s technique has even more street cred now!

Looking for something naughty yourself? Come get adventurous right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Jada Pinkett discussing the ‘Grapefruit Technique’: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-4834904/Will-Smith-taught-Jada-grapefruit-technique.html

Essential BDSM Toys For Beginners

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best_phone_sex_niteflirt_heartbleedBDSM toys and equipment aren’t just for kinksters. Gear that’s used to restrain, bind, or sexually tease can be enjoyed by everyone. And if you’re new to the exciting world of BDSM, here’s the 4 must-have equipment and sex toys for your kinky treasure chest.

  1. Blindfold
    The blindfold is perhaps the most popular kinky item, and for good reason. The sensory deprivation it provides heightens erotic sensations. Blindfolds are also exciting because they add to the kinky power play between subs and doms—you literally don’t know what’s coming.
  2. Hitachi’s Magic Wand
    Not only is the Magic Wand one of the best vibrators around, it’s also great in bondage dom/sub play sessions. Wands can be tied and bound to a sub’s genitals, or used for edging and orgasm control, to name a few options.
  3. Bondage Tape
    Kink fans love bondage tape, and it’s especially good for beginners. It’s used to wrap together different parts of the body, but unlike duct tape, bondage tape only sticks to itself. It’s hard to break without scissors and it’s safe to use on the skin.
  4. Dildos
    A dildo is one of the most versatile sex toys, so it’s perfect for kinky play. Whether you use it for pegging or with a harness, the kinky options are literally endless!

Looking to add some excitement to your sex life? The erotic possibilities are endless at NiteFlirt!

Check out more of the must-have BDSM toys for beginners: https://www.dailydot.com/irl/bdsm-toys/

Designer Reimagines Disney Princesses—In BDSM Gear

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body-1095226_640In Philipp Plein’s latest collection, his muses are Disney princesses—gone wild. The collection plays with the idea of a princess who experiments with BDSM, and we’ll just say that the clothes are what you might expect to find in Christian Grey’s playhouse. These good girls turned very, very bad will definitely make you have dirty thoughts the next time you see a Disney princess (check out images below)!

Not surprisingly, leather chokers, harnesses, and body tattoos featured prominently in the show. And many of the models display a flower mouthpiece that resembles a ball-gag. If Rapunzel decided to become a dominatrix, the bull-whip inspired braid would be perfect (originally, the models were supposed to tie the braids around their wrists as pseudo cuffs). These sexy Disney princess-dominatrixes have gone to the dark side—and it’s super hot!

Looking for something naughty? We can make all your dirty dreams come true here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about Disney princesses in BDSM gear: https://www.refinery29.com/2017/09/171718/philipp-plein-sex-hair-makeup-looks-fashion-week#slide-9

How To Enjoy Homemade Sex Toys

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http---distractify-media-prod.cdn.bingo-2001097-980xIf you’re looking for something new to spice up your sex life, some of the most exciting toys can be found—and made—right at home. From electric toothbrushes to fresh produce, there’s plenty of things you can use at home for a new plaything. Here’s a handy guide to homemade sex toys.

  1. Electric toothbrushes and face brushes
    When you want to get your buzz on, there’s plenty of household gadgets that double as vibrators. Anything electric can deliver pleasurable sensations to all your sensitive parts!
  2. Cell phones
    Again, try your cell’s vibrating option—it’s perfect for solo or couple’s play.
  3. Produce and condoms
    There’s so many vegetables that make for excellent dildos—girthy eggplants, cucumbers, zucchinis. Just wrap them up in a condom and you’re good to go. Also, banana peels make a good masturbation sleeve. And if you don’t mind a sticky dick, you can cut a hole in a melon and fuck it.
  4. Ice dildo
    Take a condom, add water, and a cardboard tube, and make yourself an ice dildo! The texture and sensation are amazing.

Looking for something new and exciting yourself? Come get creative with us right here at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about homemade sex toys: https://www.dailydot.com/irl/homemade-sex-toys/

7 Kinky Sexual Fantasies

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5624757405_1eebcbdd8c_zEveryone has a naughty sexual fantasy that gets them excited. And when it comes to exploring kink, using your imagination is always a good place to start. Here are 7 kinky sexual fantasies from real people who are turned on by BDSM.

  1. Submission
    “I just want to have some really wild, animalistic sex. Like shove me down and fuck me brutally. Call me a dirty bitch. Make me submit. Command me.” They like it rough!
  2. Sexually teased and orgasm control
    “A full BDSM scene: tied, restrained, in nipple clamps or sticks; being flogged, cropped, sexually teased and orgasm controlled.” Naughty naughty!
  3. Completely dominated
    “My fantasies always include choking/hard spankings/control/biting. I like it when I have no power.” We can see the appeal!
  4. Public sex
    “I want to have sex in a two-way mirror box in a busy public place, so that me and my partner can see outwards, but everybody else just sees a mirrored box.” Risque!
  5. Being forced into a locked room
    “I’ve always fantasized about a manager or security guard forcing me into the janitor closet and having their way with me. It really gets me going.” Sexy.
  6. Being submissive with a butt plug
    “I’m a very loud, dominant woman, and I like switching it in the bedroom.” If you can dream it, you can do it.
  7. Being submissive with a vibrator
    “I want to be on all fours while my mate ‘inspects’ me. Spreading, poking, investigating every crevasse of my body. Inserting things, vibrating when I’m not expecting it.” Kinky!

Looking for something naughty yourself? Whether or not your kinky, you’ll find what you’re craving at NiteFlirt!

Check out more kinky sexual fantasies: https://www.refinery29.com/sexual-fantasies#slide-42

This Is The Best Time Of Day To Have Sex

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Image Credit: NASA

Image Credit: NASA

What if we told you there’s an optimum time of the day to have sex? Better start setting your clock, because according to a recent study, the best time to have sex is around 45 minutes after you wake up. The survey used data from 1,000 participants and found that 7:30am is the sweet spot for getting it on.

Researchers note that “energy levels are at their highest after a good night’s rest which means both sexes have more stamina.” Interestingly, sex is like exercise in that “the rush of endorphins sparked by sex lowers blood pressure and stress levels and makes us feel more upbeat for the rest of the day.” The survey adds that since male testosterone levels peak in the morning, guys last longer in bed—so be sure to start penciling in some good morning sex!

Want to have the perfect sexual experience? We can always find your sweet spot at NiteFlirt!

Check out more about the best time of day to have sex: https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2017/08/10/best-time-of-day-sex_a_23073490/