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I relieve individuals suffering with a serious backup of cash of their unfortunate ailment.
All that money is weighing you down, but I can put that spring back in your step! Whether you are mature, young, or even undead, I am certain that you have too much money for your own good. You know I'm right. Stop lying to yourself.
I'm skilled in verbal humiliation, degradation, and punishment, not to mention shunning & ignoring people who don't treat me with the proper respect & servitude.
I'm available (at the correct price point) for live chat, ignoring calls, cam with phone calls, and if the price is right, I will record personalized messages for you to listen to obsessively while staring blankly at the meaningless string of zeroes that entirely defines your worth as a human being. Talking to Me will relieve that nagging feeling that all those zeroes in your bank account make you any more important than the miners in the Congo bleeding to make you so goddamn rich.
If you are particularly well off, e.g. own a home in East Hampton, one of your offspring has been featured on Rich Bastard Offspring of Instagram, etc. I may be open to a special arrangement with you, which will relieve you of your "wealth guilt" and do something useful with all that lucre you've accumulated from the sweat & blood of the working class & poor all over the world. The humiliation you would experience if it were discovered what you do with your money would almost surely get you thrown into the bay, Chappaquiddick style.
I've been involved in financial domination since 1996. I know how to get inside someone's mind to make them do what I desire, without giving a clue as to what I'm doing to them. you can call it manipulation, gaslighting, hypnosis, or role-playing, but the fact is it all gets the same result. your money will leave your wallet, your bank account, your credit card, your offshore account, your 401k, your hedge fund, your petty cash, your ESPP, and it will all come to Me. I'm not pretending. If you are as rich as I suspect, I actively hate you, and I want to ruin your life. I honestly don't know what I would prefer to grind under my heel; your throat or your testicles.
I'm supposed to list reasons why you should pay me for my services, but you and I both know why you're reading this. you have been hoarding your wealth, and your intervention is long overdue. I can give you that sweet release that comes with smaller a bank balance, less available space on those credit cards, smaller dividends from your portfolio, plus all the excitement of hiding these things from your family and friends. your life is fucking dull, and you need this escape.