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Big Laughs Cum from Small Packages

oie_glitters9583484236-iaza.gif I know why you're here. You're looking for a paid playmate to get your rocks off. I bet you think that if you pay someone for their time they have no choice but to get you off. The truth is it doesn't matter if you're paying a premium no woman can get you off while they are laughing their head off.

hot-dog.gifThe only way you're going to make a woman gag with that weeny weiny is if she's choking back the laughter. Do you really expect a woman to keep a straight face when you drop your drawers! Get real Captain Stubby...your Love Boat ain't never gonna sail!

oie_glitters5405076434-iaza.gifDon't sit there all shocked at how cruel I am. Reality bites, just be glad for once you don't have enough to get it past the teeth. LOL.


You've probably got your stump between your thumb and forefinger right now giving it a twiddle. Well drop it pencil dick! There's no freebies here. If you expect a Woman like ME to entertain a spineless little dork like you make sure you got something to offer ME in return. Since you don't have the “jewels” to please Me that means you're stuck with providing cold hard cash. Since yoou don't have an ATM cock (Average to Massive cock) you can be My ATM (Automated Teller Machine).

oie_canvas.gif You're still reading so I know I've got your attention. You obviously agree with what you've heard so far. Certainly, it would be hard to look down at that drizzling peanut pecker and shrivelled prunes and deny the truth of My words.

Now comes the hard part to swallow...the other man's cum. You know it and I know it. If you want to keep a woman you're going to have to agree to let her seek out real cock to pleasure her! cream-ppie-lrg.gifWhen she offers you a slice of hair pie you can be sure it's cream pie. You wouldn't be stupid enough to think that your tongue gets her pussy juice so creamy and frothy would you! It's so thick and clotted because its the cum of her well hung lover...or lovers!

Don't worry there is a way you can enjoy the pleasures of an 8 inch dick...up your ass that is. I can strap on MY ass blaster and strectch your puckered pussy a few sizes anytime. There's no reason you can't fuck with nice fat cock even if it is strapped on Me. I'll even sling a couple of warm water balloons over the pole so you can experience the feel the slap a full set of balls between your knees since your soggy sac can only flap in the breeze!

I know what you need and I can turn that drizzle of cum into a full fledged dribble. (What did you expect a squirt...damn it slim dick I'm a Mistress not Magican!) Don’t worry, I know you’re not completely useless. After all any ball licker can be a pussy polisher , a cock jockey or a cum catcher. So stop whining and suck it up buttercup! Get ready to suck it ALL up. If I can stop laughling long enough I might even give you permission to twiddle your tweedle until it cums.