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CALL THE HOTLINE - ADMIT THAT YOU ARE A PERV!
YOU HAVE REACHED THE PERV-RECOGNITION HOTLINE where pervs, losers and carpet munchers are recognised for the social outcasts they are - if you have dialed this number in error fuckwit replace the handset now.
I don't know if I can be bothered to take your call right now but if you would like to hold you may be lucky enough to hear Me breathing down the phone as I make up My mind....or perhaps you will be placed on hold and you can listen to the sound of death metal - no piped muzak here! If you are subjected to a barrage of insults all delivered in a superior Irish accent you may take this as confirmation that you have been successfully connected. Lines are open daily during whatever fucking hours I feel like - if you don't get the assistance you require fuck off and try another time. Have a great day!!