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Building and maintaining a meaningful and enduring connection takes courage, and so does making the choice to keep your relationship vital both emotionally and sexually. It is hard enough to be sexually free and open as an individual. The challenges can be even greater in the context of a partnership, but so can the rewards. Sex is a loaded subject for everyone, regardless of how liberated we may think we are. We all have entrenched beliefs about ourselves, and it can be very unsettling to recognize, let alone embrace, the fact that our sexual proclivities don’t always match our self- images or what we would like our partners to believe about us.
We can say confidently that if you’re not doing harm to others, behaving compulsively, or engaging in overly risky behavior (endangering health and safety or doing something that’s likely to get you arrested), the benefits of both exploring and embracing your authentic sexual nature far outweigh the challenges of adjusting your self- image to accommodate new insights and behaviors. Denying your sexuality because of beliefs about propriety or judgments about what is “normal” is more likely to be damaging than is acting in accordance with your true nature. The same goes for withholding or concealing your desires and interests from your partner. Making the decision to live differently always takes courage. Being sexually free in a society that remains at once extremely sex- negative and overly obsessed with sexuality takes courage. To choose to be sexual when things aren’t “perfect” is to be truly vulnerable. Even talking honestly about sex with your partner, or anyone else, requires a break with convention.