{"id":36977,"date":"2019-10-23T08:00:41","date_gmt":"2019-10-23T15:00:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.niteflirt.com\/news\/?p=36977"},"modified":"2019-10-09T16:03:11","modified_gmt":"2019-10-09T23:03:11","slug":"10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.niteflirt.com\/news\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you’re a parent, you know the often hilarious truth about sex after kids. As one tweet accurately puts it, \u201cYour sex life as a parent basically becomes ‘Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep<\/em>.’\u201d Here are the funniest tweets <\/a>from parents about post-kids sex.<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. \u201cIf your sexytime music is cartoons playing loudly outside your locked door, you might be a parent.\u201d
    \nMood music!<\/li>\n
  2. \u201cHusband and I wrestled behind closed doors this morning. My daughter busted in and pounced on his back.
    \nNo one won the wrestling match. No one.\u201d
    \nTime for a rematch?<\/li>\n
  3. \u201cMe: Do that thing I like
    \nHusband: [takes the kids and leaves]\u201d
    \nSexy!<\/li>\n
  4. \u201c[Married pillow-talk]
    \nHusband: What’s your deepest fantasy?
    \nMe: That when our kids eat dinner they don’t leave any crumbs under the table.\u201d
    \nDirty talk indeed!<\/li>\n
  5. \u201cBeing married with children is like being a teenager again. You can only have sex if you sneak around and don\u2019t get caught.\u201d
    \nThat can be hot!<\/li>\n
  6. \u201cBe sure to keep the spark alive by texting him sexy little nothings like,
    \n‘We need to check the kids for lice’ and ‘please buy tampons.'”
    \nA truly<\/i> generous lover!<\/li>\n
  7. \u201cHaving sex when you’re a parent is like trying to shoot from half court with 3 seconds left on the clock.\u201d
    \nScore!<\/li>\n
  8. \u201cBefore kids: shower sex
    \nAfter kids: shower decontamination.\u201d
    \nDangerous when wet!<\/li>\n
  9. \u201cHim: What are you wearing?
    \nMe: Medical-grade hospital socks with anti-slip technology.\u201d
    \nThere is probably a fetish for that…<\/li>\n
  10. \u201cThe best thing about sex after kids is probably no matter where in your house or car you do it, you end up with legos, Barbie shoes, or Shopkins lodged in your body.\u201d
    \nProfessional hazards.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Looking to re-spark your sex life? You don’t need a babysitter for NiteFlirt<\/a>!<\/p>\n

    Check out more funny tweets about sex after kids: https:\/\/www.buzzfeed.com\/asiawmclain\/funny-sex-after-kids-tweets<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    If you’re a parent, you know the often hilarious truth about sex after kids. As one tweet accurately puts it, \u201cYour sex life as a parent basically becomes ‘Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep.’\u201d Here are the funniest tweets from parents about post-kids sex. \u201cIf your sexytime music is cartoons playing loudly outside […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12633,11972],"tags":[10669,13886,12459,621,301,1971],"class_list":["post-36977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lists","category-lol","tag-jokes","tag-kids","tag-list","tag-marriage","tag-sex","tag-twitter"],"yoast_head":"\n10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids - NiteFlirt News | Flirty Tips, Steamy Stories & Chat Secrets<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.niteflirt.com\/news\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids - NiteFlirt News | Flirty Tips, Steamy Stories & Chat Secrets\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"If you’re a parent, you know the often hilarious truth about sex after kids. As one tweet accurately puts it, \u201cYour sex life as a parent basically becomes ‘Fifty Shades of Pray Those Kids Stay Asleep.’\u201d Here are the funniest tweets from parents about post-kids sex. \u201cIf your sexytime music is cartoons playing loudly outside […]\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.niteflirt.com\/news\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"NiteFlirt News | Flirty Tips, Steamy Stories & Chat Secrets\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-10-23T15:00:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"NiteFlirt\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@niteflirt\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@niteflirt\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"NiteFlirt\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\\\/\\\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"NiteFlirt\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/6bd13c4d00553ab7a09b0baf4fa765d9\"},\"headline\":\"10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-10-23T15:00:41+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/\"},\"wordCount\":316,\"commentCount\":0,\"keywords\":[\"Jokes\",\"kids\",\"list\",\"marriage\",\"sex\",\"twitter\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lists\",\"LOL!\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/\",\"name\":\"10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids - NiteFlirt News | Flirty Tips, Steamy Stories & Chat Secrets\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2019-10-23T15:00:41+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/6bd13c4d00553ab7a09b0baf4fa765d9\"},\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\\\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/\",\"name\":\"NiteFlirt Blog\",\"description\":\"NiteFlirt -- Speak to your Desire. \u00ae\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/#\\\/schema\\\/person\\\/6bd13c4d00553ab7a09b0baf4fa765d9\",\"name\":\"NiteFlirt\",\"url\":\"https:\\\/\\\/www.niteflirt.com\\\/news\\\/author\\\/niteflirt\\\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids - NiteFlirt News | Flirty Tips, Steamy Stories & Chat Secrets","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.niteflirt.com\/news\/10-hilarious-tweets-about-sex-after-kids\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"10 Hilarious Tweets About Sex After Kids - NiteFlirt News | Flirty Tips, Steamy Stories & Chat Secrets","og_description":"If you’re a parent, you know the often hilarious truth about sex after kids. 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