Phone Sex

Now that men have ruined their own chance of ever putting sperm in a vagina again…

What are you going to do with that annoyingly stiff dick? Certainly you can’t go putting it into anyone’s vagina! Too risky! You’ll have to live with the future you helped to create, a future where pussy is no longer available to you as a receptacle for your ejaculate! So let’s get real about how we’re going to keep your libido in check in this new post-Roe world. Your spunk is a liability, so let’s talk hazard mitigation.

1. Pleasing a Woman Through Good Old Masturbation.

I will instruct you in exactly how to get the job done, and by doing it well you will be pleasing a woman. If you actually care about pleasing a woman and it’s not just a line you use to please yourself, you’ll go one step further. You’ll ask, beg, plead, cry, whine, and promise to do anything just for the right to come. Yes, anything. The more entertaining, humiliating, uncomfortable, or beneficial for me, the better! Then, in your deepest desperation, I may grant your plea. Or not! (Good boys who follow through with whatever they promised at their most vulnerable will get extra attention as they are TRULY going the extra mile for my pleasure.)

2. Terrible Things Happen To Your Penis!

The awful truth: I love torturing men. And if a dick is the center of manhood, I just LOVE torturing a dick. And balls. And ass. Figging, CBT? Penetration, crushing, impact, generally inflicting pain, but why stop there? Why not just remove the problem at the root?

3. SelfFuck or SelfSuck!

Did you know that many students of the art of self pleasure are able to suck their own cocks? Many are even able to fuck their own asses *with* their own cocks! This is a truly ingenious place for you to deposit that troublemaking ejaculate! Reduce, Reuse, Recycle for a responsible lifestyle. I’d like to see you trying your best, training to fit your own dick into your ass or mouth. At the very least, we can get you most of the way there and you can just shoot it right in, tidy as a bow. If you miss, you’ll need to lick it all up as we can’t risk it being left out to ruin someone else’s day (or life)!

4. Brojobs

I don’t see any reason another guy couldn’t help you out with your need to nut. And then, just because you’re a decent human being, you’ll have to return the favor. Since women are no longer interested in wasting their time and emotional labor on you, you might need to cultivate a male cuddle buddy, conversation partner, and of course dick sucker.

5. Sissy Squad

If women want nothing to do with straight men, we’re going to need a whole sissy squad to take care of all this extra sexual servitude! It’s possible you’ll need to engage the services of a sissy, but it’s more likely you’ll need to join the ranks and take one for the team. We’ll prep you for your new role from what to wear and how to behave to how to suck, swallow, and please.