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$$Goddess Seeks Willing Wallet Slaves$$

I am Goddess Aubree, and I am the one who now controls the flow of your funds. You will become unattached to your wallet, and become attached to Me.
I am the Goddess of financial servitude, whose elegant lifestyle demands her Willing Wallet slaves work for her... and work hard, so that she may continue to live in the luxury that befits her. You will be devoted, completely, to serving Her and meeting Her needs on a weekly basis.
How does one become my Willing Wallet slave? First, you will apply, by email, begging humbly for the privilege of serving me. Name the sum you are willing to tithe each week. If I am pleased with your offering, I will acknowledge your email. You will then promise to purchase any videos, audio cassettes, pictures, or discarded clothing items from me at least once per month. If you cannot or will not agree to my terms, then I have no use for you, and you must leave my domain immediately.
Know now that I am a dark-haired, blue-eyed enchantress who will demand ALL of you, your mind, your heart, your soul....and your cash. Complete devotion is absolutely necessary. Can you make the grade? Do so... and you will feel the exhilaration that I am pleased with you. Do not, and you will feel my booted spiked heel up your worthless ass.