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Are you desperate to serve Me but can't seem to get My attention? Are you dying to set yourself apart from the masses of morons who approach Me every day? Now is your chance to stop being such a pansy, and show Me how serious you are!

Introduction to Worship: 500 Pictures to help you fall in love with every look, mood, hairstyle and expression I've ever had. At only .50 per picture, that's quite a bargain. So enjoy, because you will never get another one of those again.

My Wishlist: Mandatory Reading! If you haven't bought Me a gift, I don't even know you exist.

Blackmail Application: The sure fire way to sheer fuckery, and there is no turning back. This includes a video of Me, and forms for you to fill out!

Dive in and Call: Of course, if you need that little extra encouragement to follow through with your click happy frenzy then you should pick up the phone and Call Me right now.
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Here is where your new life of servitude begins. Come cowering to my feet, head down, arm extended upward, what is now MY wallet in hand. Leave all selfish limits at the door. Here all that is yours will systematically become mine. Have a wife and family? Loaded 401K? Credit accounts with no spending limit? Condo on the beach? New black sports car? Not for long, my sweet.

INSTANT LOSER ALERT: Click here to Call and Pay Me to HANG UP on you! This will immediately identify you as a total pushover for Me to use, forever.

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Games for the Bored: Losing it all can be fun! Click your paycheck away with My Pay-To-View Games: