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Mistress Matisse: Advice About Kinky Sex

Mistress Matisse at Keen.com

Greetings, My name is Mistress Matisse, and I'm a very, very kinky person.

As you may have guessed by my name, I'm a dominatrix. I am both a lifestyle dominatrix - meaning I do BDSM in my own, private life, because I enjoy it - and a professional dominatrix, which means that people come to me and pay me to do BDSM with them. I've been personally involved in the scene for over ten years, and I have been professional for five.

Also, I write a sex column for a large weekly newspaper here in Seattle called "The Stranger" - my column is called "The Control Tower".
I have a great fetish video that I produced and am distributing myself.
For a year, I did a weekly internet radio show on the now-closed Eyada.com. I was on a show called "Sex Bytes" with Bob Berkowitz.
And I regularly teach BDSM seminars and workshops both in Seattle and around the country.



I hope that reading this conveys to you that BDSM is a very central part of my life, and that I care about the people I do BDSM with. Because BDSM is important to me, I have worked for years to educate myself about both the techniques and the psychology of BDSM.

As a result, I have a very high level of expertise in all kind of kinky sex, from light fantasy and fetish play, to very heavy BDSM.

I joined Keen.com because I am constantly getting emails, phone calls and in-person requests for help and advice about a variety of BDSM, fetish and kinky sex topics.

I love teaching people how to be more kinky, but its frequently hard for me to find time to answer all of the calls and letters - I tend to give priority to the people who are with me in real-life!

So I decided to create these pre-recorded informational talks so that people could get their questions answered instantly, all the time. I keep track of the questions that people most frequently ask me, and I will continue to add new information. Naturally, there will be questions that I don't address here, but you can make an appointment to speak with me, if you like.

Just to show you something about my philosophy of BDSM, here are some short pieces of my writing, from different articles I have published.

What Is BDSM? - "BDSM" is an acronym of "B&D" (Bondage &Discipline), "D&S" (Dominance & Submission), and "S&M" (sadomasochism). "BDSM" refers to any or all of these things, as well as a great deal more. BDSM is about kinky sex, but its also about love, mutual gratification, clear communication and consent. It is not about abuse or lack of consent. Doing BDSM requires a lot of self-inquiry and self-examination, and a whole lot of communication to ensure that each partner is benefiting from the relationship and the activities.

Mistress Matisse's Ten Commandments of BDSM

1. You must communicate with your partner constantly.

2. Everything must be fun for both people.

3. Your physical and emotional safety is more important than anything else.

4. Your physical and emotional safety is primarily your own responsibility.

5. Each person brings something equally valuable to the dynamic.

6. You must respect your partner's limits, be they dominant or submissive.

7. Don't play when you are angry with your partner, and leave real-time grievances out of the scene.

8. No one is keeping score -if a scene doesn't go the way you thought it would, let it go and try something else next time.

9. Fantasies always go further than bodies- let your imagination go wild, but pace yourself in your actual play.

10. Respect other people's kink, even if it isn't the same as yours.