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Lauren Loves Phone

Financial Guidance and Asset Management

Here's how this is going to work:

First, I suggest you click this button to submit an initial consultation request for financial guidance. Contacting me in any way without completing this simple task will indicate to me that you are unable to follow directions and probably cannot afford my services.

Click here to request financial guidance.

Once your official request has been submitted, you may purchase an initial consultation via this listing only. Please be capable of expressing your goals and expectations. Be prepared to disclose your profession, earnings, assets, and expenses, as well as personal details pertaining to your health and wellness, so that I may accurately assess your longterm viability and investment potential.

Understand that purchasing my services guarantees you only a rapidly decreasing bank balance. I do not provide exclusive photos or content, public accolades, or any other forms of ego gratification. I may, at my sole discretion, choose to assume control of your assets, oversee your monthly budget, and/or provide long~term financial planning and portfolio management to ensure you have the means to continue being a patron.

These are the rules:

1. You will send me a tribute of $5 or more every time you send me an email. I will not respond to any email that is not accompanied by a tribute.

2. You will send me a tribute of $25 or more prior to placing each call with me. If you call without first sending tribute, I will probably hang up on you.

3. You will spend what I say to spend, when I say to spend it. If you cannot afford my services, do not call me. Whining about prices and attempts to bargain will be ignored.

4. I reserve the right to change my rate at any time for any reason. Clients who do not follow proper protocol (see numbers 1-3 above) may find I hang up on them and raise the rate.

5. It's not my problem if you feel buyer's remorse. Don't regret what it's costing you even a little bit? You're probably not spending enough.

Failure to adhere to the rules will result in termination of my financial guidance services. You will be blocked on Niteflirt and Skype.

Don't like the rules?
Click here to submit a complaint.